Sometimes you get too excited and shit happens. You tell your girlfriend, “I’m sorry, this has never happened to me before,” and she dawns a cheshire grin and says, “Don’t worry, it happens to everyone.”
The TradeBashers.com Draft was one of those moments. And no, it doesn’t happen to everyone.
I’ve never engaged in an online auction draft. Auction drafts have always been amongst friends in someone’s basement on a slip-covered sofa. There’s no ten-second time limit, you simply must make your bid before someone tells you to hurry the fuck up. Muttering a series of elongated and nasally vowels doesn’t extend the clock online; although I often found myself doing just that.
I drew up player distribution, category distribution, and then assigned dollar values. I limited myself to 20% over projected value for the top-tier and 10% over for the middle tier in order to leave myself with four to five different one dollar players. Unfortunately, twenty-seconds isn’t nearly enough time to switch to my spreadsheet. It’s a gorgeous spreadsheet with green, yellow and orange; some highs, some lows, and some stars and plus signs. Tomorrow, I will print it out just so I can tear it up and toss it in the kitty litter box for the cat to desecrate and defame.
I ended up with $22 on the table. What does one even do with 22 dollars? He probably adds it to his bid on his mis-bid on David Ortiz and grabs a competent first basemen.
11th Overall Nom: $30 Shin-Soo Choo (I had his true value at $24 but was okay going over) by 25%
31st Overall Nom: $27 Ian Kinsler (At this point, I’m freaking out pretty hard because I need nicotine and I’ve realized that I cannot switch back and forth to my spreadsheet. So i set up a couple of virtual desktops for each position. That didn’t work.)
43rd Overall Nom: $5 Ivan Nova (I love Nova. I nominated him too early and thought I’d be able to get him for 3 bucks. If I’d waited, I’m sure he would’ve been a buck)
53rd Overall Nom: $12 Clay Buccholz ( I had Buchholz valued at around this number, so I was happy)
60th Overall Nom: $6 Dan Johnson (I wanted Johnson as my third basemen. I’m okay with the price. This is a much better selection if I’d used the other money to purchase someone that could actually swing the bat.)
66. Tsuyoshi Nishioka $12 (I’m fine with this)
67. Brian Duensing $4 (I didn’t want Duensing on my roster, but I figured he’d be a roster filler. I hate the guy, but I think he’ll get the innings with a 4.2ish ERA)
77. David Ortiz $15 (This is the exact spot where I lost my shit. I’m not against the price, I’m sure it’s fine. I just didn’t want to deal with Ortiz at all. This wasn’t supposed to be a bid, this was supposed to be the closing of an error message.)
82. Alcides Escobar $10 (I’m now on tilt. I have buckets of money to spend and I looked at my projected values and frowned.)
83. Gio Gonzalez $13 (Bam. Gio Gonzalez. I like him. Don’t give a shit as to what I pay)
86. Jake McGee $5 (Bam. Wanted Him.)
98. Austin Jackson $10 (Need Players)
110. Edwin Encarnacion $10 (Need Players)
120. Derrek Lee $11 (Need Players)
122. Derek Holland $8 (Need pitchers)
154. Chris Ray $2 (Shit. I like Ray, But I don’t know if this is….ugh)
160. Daniel Bard $6
173. Jarrod Saltalamacchia $6
178. Josh Willingham $10
182. Dustin Ackley $6
185. Rafael Soriano $6
186. Gavin Floyd $9
195. Jake Peavy $5
197. Jesus Montero $5
208. Milton Bradley $26. Actually $4 Dollars, but I caught shit for not immediately bidding $26.
So, let’s make this a teaching moment:
1. Get a couple monitors so you don’t have to switch between windows.
2. Preparation is good, but condensed preparation is better.
3. Write an entire post of excuses because from what I’ve heard, it happens to everyone and it’s okay…..
